5 Tips for Raising Teenage Daughters
Apr 08, 2021
As a Mum of girls, I can tell you, it’s no easy feat going through the teenage years. It may feel like your sweet, little girls have transformed into sulky, argumentative teenagers overnight.
Teenagers are trying to navigate through physical, emotional, and psychological changes, which undoubtedly creates unique challenges for parents. Remember that every teenager will experience things differently.
1. Open communication
Keeping the doors of communication open is extremely important; especially with your teenage daughters. There may be times when they would prefer to be alone or not engage in discussion. What’s important is that you always keep a connection going, so that when they do have an issue that’s bothering them, they know they can approach you. Communication is about listening as much as it is about talking. Children desire to be listened to in a non-judgmental fashion. It’s also important to validate their feelings. Let them know that you understand how they are feeling, before commenting further on actions. Always try and keep comments positive.
2. Responsibility
There are many ways in which we can teach teenagers to be responsible. Create a schedule or timetable with her rather than force her to adhere to the one you made. If she forgets to do a particular job or task, use the mistake as an opportunity to learn through problem-solving. In this way, she will learn to better herself next time. Encourage your teenager to do chores at home or even volunteer elsewhere, for example, in the Masjid. They will give her a sense of responsibility, build self-esteem and encourage her to do her part in helping the community.
3. Hormonal changes
This is a time when the brain and body are going through major changes. Girls may become upset, confused, sensitive or anxious. They must be aware that this is normal! As parents, it is our job to educate them about what they are experiencing. They may want to talk to someone. We must remind them that Allah has made each person perfectly and provided us with bounties we should be grateful for in terms of physical appearance. Re-assure your girls that the perfectly photographed models they constantly see in the media are edited, airbrushed and not real. He says: “He formed you and perfected your forms and provided you with good things. That is Allah, your Lord; then blessed is Allah, Lord of the worlds.” (Al Qur’an 40:64)
4. Hijab
The hijab is a part of our Deen and identity as a Muslim woman, so should be introduced in such a manner. Teenagers in the West typically have different interpretations of what the Hijab means. Hijab comes from the Arabic root word ‘hajaba’; meaning barrier or partition. In Islam, the Hijab is not restricted to a ladies head covering but includes modesty on a wider level. Even then, modesty is first ordained upon males, then females. If girls are not educated about the hijab or see their role models (you or someone else) wearing them, don’t expect them to suddenly start wearing them when they are older.
5. Modelling
The best model your girls have is you! As humans, we are bound to make mistakes. Maybe you have felt overwhelmed or exhausted and reverted to blame, shame or pain. If this happens, it’s what happens next that is most important. Acknowledge your own mistake and apologise. Go and cool off if you need to, be an adult. Let your daughter see that even adults make mistakes but acknowledging them and rectifying the error is the most important thing.
