How New Mothers Can Find Their Groove with the Newborn Chaos

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In all honesty, becoming a new mom is a whirlwind of joy, exhaustion, and, yes, theres a lot of unpredictability, too. One day, you might feel like you’re finally starting to get the hang of things, and the next, your little bundle of joy throws a curveball that leaves you feeling like you’re starting from scratch again. But at the end of the day, it’s a beautiful (yet tiring) experience. 

For many new moms, this constant unpredictability can make it challenging to settle into any kind of routine. Actually, for the average person, it can be hard to build confidence, let alone maintain it, when every day feels like it's going haywire.

But here’s the thing: while the first few months with a newborn might feel like pure chaos, there are ways to embrace the new norm and build the stability that so many of us crave. But where exactly do you begin?

It's Time to Let Go of Pre-baby Expectations

Before your baby arrived, you might have had a very clear idea of what life would look like post-birth. Maybe you envisioned that you would create a bedtime routine that would be peaceful and easy, and maybe you even bought a fancy Snoo bassinet in hopes of things going “according to plan” and, of course, the daily naps for yourself and a clean, organized home. But the reality? It probably looks a lot messier, noisier, and sleepier than you had anticipated. So, one of the biggest hurdles for new moms is learning to let go of those pre-baby expectations.

It’s completely natural to feel out of control when your days suddenly revolve around feeding, changing, and soothing a tiny human. Instead of holding yourself to the routines you once knew, it’s helpful to embrace the chaos for what it is—a temporary season. Yes, life will settle down eventually, but trying to force it into neat little boxes right away can lead to frustration.

Building a Flexible Routine That Works for You

Yes, newborns are unpredictable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have some semblance of a routine. But the key is to remain flexible. Here’s actually a nice example: instead of sticking to a rigid schedule, aim for a flow to your day. For example, mornings could be dedicated to feeding and playing, while afternoons might be more about naps and resting.

Of course, your baby’s schedule will dictate a lot, but if you look for patterns in their behavior, you can start to shape your routine around them! Maybe they tend to get fussy in the late afternoon, signaling the perfect time for a walk or a quiet time indoors. If they take longer naps in the morning, that could be when you sneak in some “you” time— like a shower, a quick snack, or even a moment to catch up on your favorite show.

Try to Nap Whenever You Can

One of the hardest adjustments for new moms is the lack of sleep. Yes, this is obvious, but it should still be said. So, newborns are known for their erratic sleep schedules, leaving you to grab whatever shut-eye you can. While the old advice of “sleep when the baby sleeps” sounds nice in theory, it’s not always practical—especially when there are laundry piles, dishes, and other tasks demanding attention. Plus, not everyone can magically force themselves to fall asleep, either.

Instead, try to focus on resting when you can. Even if it’s not a full nap, lying down or even just closing your eyes for a few minutes can help recharge your energy (well, sort of). Your routine might not include long stretches of sleep at night (at least not yet), but finding ways to rest throughout the day will make a world of difference. This is your new normal for now, and that's perfectly okay.

Give Yourself Grace

You probably already know this by now, but new motherhood is one of the most challenging things you’ll ever go through, and it’s easy to feel like you’re not measuring up. And honestly, social media doesn’t help either, with picture-perfect moms who seem to have it all together while you’re still trying to figure out when your next meal will be.

But here’s the reality: no one has it all figured out, no matter how flawless their Instagram or TikTok feed looks. There are good days and bad days for every mom, and it’s okay if your routine doesn’t look like anyone else’s. If you manage to make it through the day and your baby is fed, loved, and cared for, you’re doing an amazing job. Just be sure to give yourself permission to not have all the answers and to make mistakes along the way. Sure, it’s probably way easier said than done, but it’s really important.

Lean on Your Support System

This one just can’t be shouted enough, and yes, this one is just so important. Now, one of the best ways to adjust to the new norm of motherhood is to lean on your support system. Maybe it’s a partner, family member, friend, neighbor, or fellow new mom, but having someone to talk to or help out can make all the difference. It’s easy to feel isolated when you’re home all day with a baby, but you don’t have to do it alone.

But seriously, just don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether it’s asking a friend to watch the baby for an hour while you take a nap or simply venting about the tough day you’ve had. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else is in your corner can be the boost you need to keep going.

Finding Time for Yourself in the New Normal

Now, it’s pretty easy to lose yourself in the demands of caring for a newborn, but it’s important to carve out moments of “you” time. While your baby’s needs will always come first, neglecting your own well-being can quickly lead to burnout. Yes, parenthood can cause burnout! 

Even if it’s just 15 minutes a day, find something that brings you joy and make time for it. This seriously can’t be stressed enough; the new normal still involves you, and yes, it still means putting yourself first from time to time.